Once in a generation a question is posed that will captivate a nation. These questions are pondered far and wide, from the trash mounds of New Jersey to the rain washed terrain of Washington State. These questions include: “Is there a God?” “What is the meaning of life?” and “Will the Democrats ever become an organized political party?”. Recently, another question was posed by an up and coming musical superstar. Time will tell whether that question will be one of the great questions.
Imagine waking up at 7 AM, having a bowl of cereal while your whole family is “rushing” around you, going down to the bus stop, and then, instead of catching a bus (as many 13 year old kids do when waiting for a bus at a bus stop) your underage friends drive up in a brand new convertible and you decide to ride with them! Here lies the problem and the basis for the question that has been posed. You ask yourself:
“Which seat can I take?”
This is exactly the question that Rebecca Black posed when she found herself at a bus stop on a Friday morning when her friends drove up in a convertible that we can only assume was carjacked from someone who was actually 16 or older. Rebecca recognizes the conundrum quite quickly. She uses her powers of observation to ascertain that there are four people in the vehicle. There is one driver, one passenger in the front passenger seat and two passengers in the back. Poor Rebecca is taken aback by this question, and soon, America would stop and ask the same question.
Now Rebecca seems like a smart and capable youngster, so we can assume that she is able to come up with a solution for the problem so that she may join her criminal friends in their newly acquired convertible. However, she never answers the question to tell us where she ends up sitting. Rebecca is clearly challenging America to answer this difficult question, because if she can figure it out maybe a few of America’s best and brightest can figure it out too.
Well, Rebecca, I’m going to try!
First of all we should try to determine which type of convertible Rebecca’s friends violently carjacked. I must admit that I cannot remember exactly what type of convertible was shown in the hit music video, and frankly I just don’t have the stomach to go back and find out. Most convertibles have between two and five seats. Ferraris for example have only one driver’s seat and one passenger’s seat. On the other hand the modern Mustang convertible has room for a driver, a front passenger and uncomfortably seats three in the back.
The 2001 Ford Taurus, arguably the greatest all around vehicle of all time, has a bench seat between the driver seat and the front passenger seat. It is also a very roomy car, get’s relatively good gas mileage and has very good safety features. But I digress. The Ford Taurus has never been made into a convertible (despite its powerful V6 engine and an acceleration rate of 0-60 in about twelve minutes). So we can essentially toss out the idea that the convertible in question had a bench seat.
What we can conclude at this point is that the convertible that Rebecca Black had to get into was a five-seat convertible. Therefore the when Rebecca posed the question “Which seat can I take?” she was looking at a five-seat convertible with four people already in it. Ergo the convertible had one seat open in the back. Why does this matter?
It matters because the question that Rebecca Black posed was “Which seat can I take?”
It matters because Rebecca Black can take that seat.
And it matters because logically speaking; the open seat in the back of the convertible is the answer to her question.
Now, common misconception is that since we have answered Rebecca’s question of where she can sit then she will obviously sit there. Common sense would suggest that that would be the right thing to do, and a majority of Americans would be most likely to take that open seat, but not all! This is America; and in America we pride ourselves on the sovereignty of our states. In this case there is no state more fiercely independent than New Hampshire, where it is not against the law to wear seatbelts. That means that if Rebecca Black is living in NH then she is not legally obligated to sit in that seat and wear her seatbelt, and considering that her cohorts have just committed Grand Theft Auto, it is unlikely that Rebecca Black would care what the law is anyway.
What this does is open up a whole new question. Rebecca asked us “Which seat can I take?” and now America waits with bated breath as they wonder “Which seat will she take?”
If you were to only listen to the soon-to-be Grammy Award Nominated song you would never have the slightest idea where she could end up, but if you watch the music video you can see that Rebecca at first does the logical thing. However, after clearly skipping school she can be seen riding down the road away from a big city that looks similar to Los Angles which means that she would have been breaking the law by not wearing her seatbelt and is currently not obeying the law because she isn’t sitting in a seat at all. That’s right ladies and gentlemen; Rebecca Black is sitting on the back of the convertible as if she was Danny Zuko from Grease; a flagrant disregard for the law and public safety.
What she is doing is totally dangerous. If the 50 year-old pedophile gangster that is headed to the middle school dance party gets into a head-on collision with the twelve year-old who is driving the convertible, then Rebecca Black’s body could be thrown from the vehicle and cause serious property damage. (I would press charges if she messed up my lawn)
In the end the question “Which seat can I take?” will probably not go down in history as one of the great philosophical questions, but it may be linked to many others such as: “Why is she asking that question in the first place?” “Why isn’t there any acceptable adult influence in the situation?” and “What the hell happened to music?”