Mario Kart Poetry


You can’t jump a Chomp
As you drive down Rainbow Road
Psychedelic road

Toad’s Turnpike has you
Slip, fall into the liquid
Sunset of your heart

For all who drive Kart
Yoshi Valley mystery
Scary as can be.


I found myself lost in Bowser’s Castle
With big block people smashing to the ground
Avoiding road hazards are a hassle
I’d like to leave, but to the road I’m bound

Magma covers all except the race track
And if you fall you have to be reset.
Which sucks because then you have to get back
As close to first as you can possibly get.

If you come short of forth you must redo
The whole map over again so you can
do better because you really just blew
the game. 6 year-olds could beat you up man.

In the end this single truth remains;
If you can’t beat Bowser’s Castle, you’re lame.

Free Verse

Sometimes one goes for a leisurely drive,
Perhaps through Moo Moo Meadows,
But peaceful calm turns in to primal fear
When a line of banana peels appear

One brakes and dodges
Fearing for one’s life,
but there is little one can do
The inevitability of the situation is
You will always slip on the peel

And in the situation,
Where there’s only one peel to avoid
All too often we find ourselves headed straight for it
Despite ourselves
Just as it is a truth that all men are mortal
So too shall all men spin out and say;

Slam Poetry
You think you’re the shit?
I’m Bowser bitch.
I’m laying down doom diamonds like you lay down in a ditch
I got a terrifying castle hangin’ out in the hills
I’ve got statues of myself by all the window sills
You get in my way I’ll fire a shell at your Kart
Then I’ll throw down some rhymes that come straight from the heart!
You think I’m just a bully that I’m inherently bad!
But deep down on the inside I’m sensitive and sad,
‘Cause my arch rival Mario gets all the glory,
But ladies and gentlemen, that’s only have the story.
If you knew all the stuff he did to my friends, it was gorey.
Stompin’ on their heads like hammers at a granite quarry
Soon my dead Koopa Troopas were everywhere
So when you look me in the eye, you better not dare,
To challenge my morality ’cause then I’ll scare
You to the bone. I can do it with a single glare.


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