The Phantom Menace in 3D or “A Catch-R2-D2”

You’ve just seen Obi-wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn defeat around fifty battle droids in a large control ship under the command of the trade federation. Learning that the battle droids will be launched in an invasion of the peace-loving planet of Naboo, the two jedi decide that it is essential to get down to the planet’s surface and liberate the queen so she may ask the Galactic Republic for military aid. The jedi sneak aboard two transport ships to land down on the surface. As you watch the battle droids unload and begin their invasion the excitement in you grows. This is the Star Wars movie that you waited for since the 80’s!

Qui-Gon finds himself sprinting through the woods away from a large and powerful tank sort of thing. Suddenly a tall frog creature appears in his way. Excellent, you think to yourself another creature Qui-Gon has to fight! But alas, jedi are not permitted to just attack sentient creatures because they stand in their way, so Qui-Gon tackles Jar Jar Binks to the ground, saving the alien’s life and thereby destroying the Star Wars franchise. (And your childhood)

Jar Jar Binks represents everything that we come to expect from a dumb cartoon sidekick. He would fit perfectly alongside the Super Friends as unnecessary comic relief from the already ridiculous Super Friends situations

Unfortunately, he was added to a movie series that at one time made us all believe in the powers of cinema (and the force). Herein lies the problem: In the original trilogy we were introduced to some very memorable and powerful quotes.
“Luke, I am your father.” -D. Vader
“Do, or do not. There is no try.” -Yoda
“I have a bad feeling about this.” -everyone else

Jar Jar kicks off his hour and a half of unfortunate dialogue with this gem:

“Yousa saved me! Mesa called Jar Jar Binks! Mesa your humble servant!”

This ridiculousness reached a climax when Jar Jar inadvertently sticks his face between some purple lightning bolts that are holding Anakin’s podracer together and Jar Jar gives us:
“Mauh tounglbe ish ravsh! Mauh tounglbe ish ravsh!”

The original trilogy accomplished amazing feats! It not only kick started Harrison Ford’s career, it showed the potential of special effects, it showed that an original concept and a lot of hard work could make an amazing story, and it actually put Mark Hamill on the big screen.
(I’ll give you 3 guesses why we don’t see him in anything else.)
As you may know, Star Wars is going to be re-released in it’s entirety in 3D. Here’s why it’s a big deal: A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi. Here’s why it’s not: They are starting with Episode I and then doing each of them in chronological order. Many, like myself argue that they should release them the way they should have been released. Release the original trilogy, and then never make any movies again.
In the end it is very likely that George Lucas and co. are doing this for more money (which I’m told make the world go ’round) but you would think that for once George could do something good for his fans. Mr. Lucas is kind of like a manipulative evil villain, the Emperor if you will, he gives us a taste of something great (The original trilogy, or the ability to save the ones we love) and then he just makes us want to go kill younglings.
So will I be going to see The Phantom Menace in theaters in 3D this year? Hell yes. But I intend to close my eyes and plug my ears through all the scary parts (aka the Jar Jar parts)
  (And I’ll dream. …oh how I’ll dream.)
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