Finals Week

It’s finals week and a literal dark cloud is hanging over the campus as if to mirror the metaphoric dark cloud of exam stress that hangs over the heads of every student in a three mile radius. Some people say that when it rains it means that God is crying. If this is so, then the tears must be tears of stress considering how many complaints I have registered as of late. If God is always testing us, then why do the professors have to do the dirty work once a semester down here?

But I digress, questions of higher power inadequacies are best reserved for theologians and people who aren’t studying for finals.

If there is one thing I can say is a positive influence about finals week, it is that I have finally found a time of year I despise more than February. If there is one thing that I can say is a positive influence about finals, it is that I have a comeback when old curmudgeons say that college isn’t all that hard. And if there’s one thing I can say that is a positive influence about all the projects that are due at the end of the semester, it is that…

No. Never mind. They just suck.

You can almost hear the collective groan of all the students of all the world when you utter the word “finals”. You can almost feel the millions of all-nighters pulled in desperation as a year’s worth of knowledge must be re-learned in twenty-four hours. The dreadful understanding that 99% of the stress for a year is confined to 1% of the school year make the huddled masses of students yearning to be free cry in unison, “Occupy Library!”

We would do this too if we had a dollar bill to burn.

Together, reluctantly, the students of the world rise to meet the occasion. Mirroring the story of Batman in our knowledge that the night is always darkest before the dawn, we fight the forces of finals to our last breath. Pure drive converts us into an unstoppable force, hell-bent on finishing what we started so we can break through that last wall of the year and taste freedom!

…And a minimum wage job to help us pay for tuition.

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