4 Phrases Movie Companies Apparently Think Will Make Us Want To See Their Movie, But Don’t

  • “Here we go again!”
    When you see a trailer about a sequel to any movie, you can usually eliminate it as an option for next Friday night based on whether or not this phrase is uttered during the commercial. If the movie makers had to resort to the most cliché line in cinema for their commercial, then chances are the overall movie doesn’t get much more creative.
  • “From the visionary creators of 300 and (maybe) The Watchmen
     I happen to think that 300 is a wonderful movie, and Watchmen isn’t terrible in my book either, but I know a lot of people who detest both movies, and, more importantly, all the other movies created by these people have been less than stellar. After I first saw 300 , advertisements with this phrase in it used to make me excited, but after seeing flop after flop from the same people, now I just use the phrase as a warning to avoid.
  • “In a world where…”
    We all know the voice when it comes on our television screens. The gruff and cold voice is usually pitching us a new movie plot. “In a world where (insert something here), one (insert main character) will do the unthinkable” Repeat with different “somethings” until desired result. Pass.
  • “Staring Nicholas Cage”
    Do I really need to explain myself on this one?

    This time, it’s personal.


Why “Somebody I Used To Know” Is So Popular

Just about everyone has heard the song at this point. On Youtube the video has gotten as many hits as 2/3rds of the population of the United States, and it plays on the radio all the time. Despite the over-exposure of the song, I haven’t come across anyone who actually dislikes it.

So what is it about “Somebody I Used To Know” that people like so much?

First and foremost, the melody is catchy. Though the verses are a little mumble-y at times, the chorus is pretty understandable and easy to sing along to. Since the chorus is repeated three or four times in the song, it allows even first time listeners to get in on the singing by the end of the song.

Secondly, there is a male and female singer, both with a decently wide range. The advantage of this is that when people want to sing along, they can sing to the part that they are most comfortable. On top of that, both male and female singers are talented. Unlike all too many singers today, Gotye does not use auto-tune technology to make up for their lack of talent. Contrary to the misconceptions of modern recording studios, not everyone is a fan of auto-tune and so “Somebody” provides a kind of breath of fresh air that we don’t usually hear on the radio.

Finally, the song speaks to many of us. Many of us have gone through relationships and breakups where we know the end is coming, but we want to believe that everything is okay. Many of us have seen the result of a relationship when one person is still hung up on somebody they used to be with. The song addresses the fact that there are two sides to every breakup and the tone of the voices emphasise the hurt and heartache that comes associated with it.

Regardless of the reason for each individual to love the song, it’s always hard to avoid belting out, “You didn’t need to cut me off!” when it comes on the radio.

A First Date

Holding my breath, I rang the doorbell. I listened intently for any sound. Soon I heard someone run up to the other side of the door. I heard two “clomps,” as shoes were put on. My stomach was churning.

The door flew open. There she stood with a blue skirt and a new white blouse. She smiled and all the lines I had been practicing before I rang the doorbell left me faster than my ex-girlfriend.

“You look really, really pretty,” I stuttered, stunned by her smile.

She blushed a little and asked, “Are you ready?” Was I ever.

“Yes,” I said, regaining some control.

We walked to the car I had just cleaned out earlier that day. I vacuumed the inside and added a new car freshener. I already climbed in when I realized I hadn’t held the door for her. “Whoops,” I muttered under my breath as she climbed in and sniffed.

“My, it’s smells nice in here,” she commented awkwardly. I suddenly remembered my father warning me not to take the wrapping off the car freshener all at once or else the smell would be too intense. When she looked away I quickly ripped the fully unwrapped pin-tree shape off the rear-view mirror and tossed it out the window.

“What was that?” She asked as she turned back to me.

“Sorry,” I replied, “My car makes a weird noise before the engine starts.”

This is a disaster. I thought to myself. It took two tries and one unnaturally red face before my car started. I was not sure if I could handle my embarrassment before I saw she was wringing her hands in apprehension as well. I cooled off and we began driving.

“So where do you want to go for dinner?” I asked.

“I’m thinking Italian,” she said.

“Olive Garden?” I asked.

“You got it.” She said with a smile.

We travelled down the road discussing the classes we were taking at school. She told me of her interest in biology and the sciences. I had a good guess, but I thought I should ask:

“You want to be a doctor or a nurse someday, don’t you?”

“You got it.” She replied.

I smiled as we pulled into the parking lot of our local Olive Garden. I got out and moved to open the door for her, but I was too late. For some reason I thought of a disgraced samurai committing Hari Kari.

We walked to the front and I asked for a table for two. Our waiter neglected to present the wine of the night but instead told us what sodas they had. We ordered our food and talked about our favorite movies and T.V. shows. Eventually I asked her if she had ever seen my favorite movie. She grinned ear to ear.

“Is it your favorite movie too?” I asked.

“You got it.” She laughed.

We ate and talked about just about everything. Soon our plates were clear but we had so much to say. We talked about our families, we talked about our hobbies, we talked about sports and joked and laughed until our waiter had refilled our water glasses eight or nine times. Eventually I noticed her yawn.

“Tired?” I asked.

“You got it.” she smiled.

We returned to my car after I paid the bill, and as we drove away I realized how late it was. After two-and-a-half hours of talking our tongues were more than tied. I turned on the radio and it just so happened to be on her favorite channel.

When we got to her house it was dark outside but there were lights on in the house. I got out as fast as I could and opened the door for her and smiled to myself. We walked up to the door of her house and we stopped on the porch.

“Thanks for a great time,” She said to me and smiled.

Things were quiet and I wasn’t sure if I should say anything.

“You know what would make this first date perfect?” She asked me.

I leaned forward hopefully and kissed her on the lips. She beamed.

“You got it.”

Yes I did.

The Lobsterman

Through the misty morning fog,
Across Penobscot Bay,
removed from industrious smog,
Is where I’d like to stay.

My father was a bay man,
Like my grandfather before.
I’d like to grow a boy to man,
so we may work some more.

To lobster is a thankless job.
It’s one of the toughest you can get.
but as long as buoys bob,
I can show the world true grit.

The waves are often rough,
The danger’s always there,
But when you have the stuff,
you can sail her anywhere.

So if I leave the harbor,
and get lost out in a storm,
Then tell my boy on shore,
Do that for which he was born.

Top 5 Ways My Little Sister Is Cooler Than Me

  1. She’s got style.
    Unlike many young people now a days, my sister can be fearlessly stylish. For many, trying an outfit that is somewhat outside the norm is just not an option. The fear of being talked about in a negative way is usually enough to keep most people from venturing outside what everyone else is wearing. My sister is not one of those people. On the contrary, she has a tendency to experiment with colorful dresses and various accessories and such… and always pull it off.This is a useful skill for anyone. I find myself, on a regular basis, in situations where she, or my mother, or my best friend have to tell me to go back to my room and change because I look, “silly,” “foolish,” or “like a dumbass,” respectively.

    But seriously, why can’t I wear these?

  2. She studies.
    My sister isn’t a huge fan of getting low grades, and by low grades I mean an A-. She has a tendency to stay up late studying until she literally passes out with her books on her face. To put that in perspective, when I was in high school and it got dark after school, that meant it was bed time. I knew I could get around to studying sometime later. That “sometime” was usually within 24 hours of the big test.My sister has a plan to take multiple college courses at the University of Maine during her senior year in high school. This is on top of all the extra curricular activities she’s involved in, ranging from singing groups, to youth group, to volunteering, to mock trial. She is as, if not more, involved than I was in high school, and that is a hard thing to do.
  3. She can sing.
    My sister has an ability to sing that is rivalled only by the most talented people I know. Miley Cyrus is not one of those people. She is a junior in high school and is as talented, if not more talented than many of my singing friends in college, some of whom are  music majors. There have been times when I hear her sing and I can’t help hearing a younger Stevie Nicks in her voice. For those of you who don’t know who Stevie Nicks is, think legend.

    Above: Not Rebecca Black

    Despite her natural talent, my sister has always been a little shy about her singing ability. She doesn’t really show it off much and because of this, she kind of flies below the radar until she gets a solo at concerts. This has always impressed me because I know that if I had a voice like hers I would be showing it off all the time. Which brings me to her next coolness factor…

  4. She is humble.
    While I’m flexing at the mirror my sister will go run a couple miles and then not brag about it. While I’ll put all my 95% grades up on the refrigerator for all to see, my sister will get 100% on everything and quietly file them away in her desk. She’s got a way of influencing people and impressing them without talking about it or pointing it out. A lot of people have respect for my sister because she naturally respects just about everyone else. The funny thing is that she probably doesn’t know just how many people respect her.She’s very much the individual and a lot of younger students look up to her, but my sister has never let it go to her head.  That is a rare thing indeed.
  5. She is a girl and she likes to play frisbee and Halo and Skyrim.
    This is such a rare thing that I think this coolness factor kind of speaks for itself.

Why Jamestown Isn’t As Important As We Think

We all know from our history lessons how important Jamestown is to European settlement in the Americas. The way it was taught to us, it might seem as if there were no successful colonies anywhere in America before. Allow me to inform.

Jamestown was the first permanent English settlement. The words permanent and English are key, because there were other English settlements that failed before, and there were other permanent European settlements in other areas that were successful. St. Augustine in Florida was founded by Spain in 1565. Jamestown would not be founded until 1607.

Much further north, in what is today Nova Scotia, the French established a colony called Port Royal in 1605. How settlers in Port Royal were able to survive the winter conditions before the advent of modern heating is a mystery. …to me.

I just don’t know.

But long before the Spanish and the French arrived on the scene, the historical badasses of the Atlantic made a settlement in the Americas. The Norse made a settlement in what is modern day Newfoundland all the way back in 1000 AD. The Norse held this settlement for 500 years. (In other words, more than twice as long as the United States have been hanging out on traditional Native American lands.) …Speaking of which, guess why the Norse left their 500 year-old settlement…

Native Americans vs. Viking Warriors

That’s right, after 500 years the Native Americans kicked the Norse out of America. You see, at the time before Columbus arrived on the scene, there were approximately 100 million Native Americans living on the North American continent. To put that in perspective, there were only 70 million people living in Europe at the same time. The reason why Native Americans were so ill-prepared for the European “invasion” that more or less began with Jamestown was because in the 100 years prior to Jamestown, a massive plague brought over from Europe ravaged the native population. It ended up wiping out 90% of the population. Essentially, America was built upon a post-apocalypse continent. …but that’s a story for another blog post…

What is probably the most underrated achievements in human history is that Europe didn’t find America. America found Europe.

“Anthropologists conjecture that Native Americans voyaged east a millennia ago from Canada to Scandinavia or Scotland. Two Indians shipwrecked in Holland around 60 B.C. became major curiosities in Europe.”

Cry you Anglophiles.

Yard Work, Frisbee, and Besties

Despite my best efforts to decapitate them, the heads of the daisies just keep popping up in my back yard. I mowed the lawn the day before yesterday and yet they stick up like cowlicks on a comb-over. I wouldn’t mind so much if it were not for the fact that I like to play frisbee in my backyard and the last couple of times that I have had to dive for a catch I end up coming up with a handful of daisies that look nice enough to give to my mother on Mother’s Day.

However, Mother’s Day is past, frisbee season has only just begun.

So, obviously the lawn and I have come to a bit of an impass. I refuse to let the daisies grow, and the daisies refuse to die. It’s like a zombie apocalypse where a sawed-off shotgun and a chainsaw for a hand doesn’t seem to come in handy much.

Trust me.

So I’ve decided to let the lawn be for a couple days. I’m hoping it will be lulled into a false sense of security. Then, when it least expects it, I’ll go out with a tank of Round-Up and wipe them out in a style not dissimilar to that of the Death Star against Alderaan.

…Or Rebecca Black.

Anyway, to attempt to fill my insatiable urge for frisbee, I’ll have to find another place to play. The Turf is that place. Thanks to the generosity of a local affluent family, our high school has an astroturf football field. For those of you who don’t know what astroturf is, it’s essentially a giant carpet with the consistency of the most comfortable grass field imaginable. Under the fake grass is a layer of black rubber “dirt” that allows you to run faster, jump higher, and essentially everything else that PK Flyers let you to do.

It also makes the area above the field a good five to ten degrees hotter than the rest of town since the heat radiates off the black rubber.  Thus everyone goes barefoot, shirtless, and for the bold; pants-less. The open area and the comfy ground allow for maximum catching freedom and has resulted in snags so miraculous that Jesus himself has been known to come down, kick off his sandals and join in the fun.

Got this.

So, fortunately, I will not be without frisbee for the couple of days I lie in wait like a panther ready to maul a daisy. The real question is, will my lawn miss me in the meantime? I suspect so. People miss me and I miss them when I’m gone, and while my lawn may not be a person, Michelle Flores is.

I hope you’re enjoying your summer!