High School Fights

So my little sister comes home from school today and says, “There was a fight today.”

After realizing that she was not, in fact, referring to my completed mission to clear a fort of bandits in Skyrim I asked her where this fight took place.

“At school,” She replied.

Now I want to apologize to any Hampden Academy alumni who remember differently than I do, but I don’t recall there ever being a fist fight in my high school when I was there. So, as one can imagine, this news disturbed me somewhat.

So here’s the hardcore, hearsay driven rumour that ended up coming to me this fine evening: Two female freshman high school students found themselves in a bit of a disagreement. Apparently one girl, henceforth referred to as Girl A told the other girl, henceforth referred to as Girl B, that she was going to get someone to beat her up (Girl B, not Girl A). I’m not really sure when young women resorted to hiring hitmen to solve high school problems, but considering the lack of maturity in all high school problems this can’t be all that surprising.

Apparently this makes more sense than starting a nasty rumour or something…

Anyway, apparently asserting that someone is going to track you down and give you a black eye is worthy of a reaction. Most people would say, “That’s really stupid.” However, Girl B is not “most people”. Girl B says, “Do it!” and then pushes Girl A, single-handedly making the delicate art of body language obsolete.

Now lets pause for a moment and reflect. What would a normal person do in this situation? If you’re thinking, “But Ryan, normal people don’t tell people they are going to get someone to beat someone else up, nor do they resort to fighting over petty high school problems.” To which I would respond: “Good point.”

Unpause. Girl A decides the best way to resolve the situation is punching Girl B in the face. This is entirely logical considering the fact that nothing about these two girls seems to be logical. Below is the most accurate depiction I could find on the internet…

plus cuteness, minus the stupid.

Girl A allegedly channels the spirit of Glass Joe and misses. Girl B then goes all out Mike Tyson and “Took her down”. She then proceeded to punch Girl A “a whole shit ton” which, it turns out, is “eight times or more to the face”. If you’re wondering where I am getting all these quotations, it’s because Girl B was kind enough to tell her whole story in her Facebook status: “Suspended 3 days. Sooo worth it.” I wish I was kidding.

I’m not though, and here’s the real sad thing: the vice principal decided to give Girl B a three day suspension rather than a week long one because she has been “good” lately.

All that work with Pennies for Peace sure paid off.

So here’s to you Girl A and Girl B. One of you probably stole the other’s boyfriend or something, but it doesn’t really matter because regardless of the problem, you’ve brought problem solving to a whole new low.
Congrats.

Now grow up.

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4 responses to “High School Fights

  1. Well me being girl B does not find this very funny at all, thanks alot. I understand it was a big issue and I made those statuses in the heat of the moment it asn’t cause I thought I was bad-ass or anything. Because I don’t think I am at all and I feel really bad for hurting her no, she didn’t steal my bf or something, so don’t assume things, thanks very much. In fact she DID threaten to have someone else hurt me and I asked her about it and flipped my lid. I don’t feel proud of it or anything, in fact if I could’ve dealt with the situation better I would’ve

    • I’m glad you got to see this and I hope Girl A can see it too. I’m even more glad that you don’t feel proud about your actions. What the two of you did is humiliating to the school and is a commentary on both of you. My point here is that you can always deal with situations better than this. If you think you are better than what you did, then it’s your job to prove it.
      Best,
      Ryan

  2. I completely agree with this statement, however. I think both these girls need to just grow up. It’s called highschool, not elementary school.

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