Every once in a while I get a brilliant idea for a new business. Sometimes it is a design of a new, ingenious invention, other times it is un-thought-of uses of common house-hold appliances, I can even come up with services that people desperately need but don’t know it yet! (Contact me for one free lesson in “How To Stop Being A Moron” (…All following lessons will be $99))
Above is a picture of what I saw on the road today when I was on the way back from working on my grandparents’ patio. U-Hauls can be found all over the United States on any and every highway. There are quite a few things I find more inspiring than a U-Haul going down the highway, but today it made me think… U-Haul took a service that you needed to pay big money for to be done professionally (or you could screw it up on your own), and turned it into a do-it yourself operation. There was no happy medium before, but then U-Haul made it possible for you to screw it up with professional equipment! What could be better than renting giant trucks to people with no previous truck-driving experience??
Anyway, I thought about U-Haul and I asked myself… “Self, what else is hard to do by yourself and too expensive with professional help?” And then it hit me like an out-of-control U-Haul.
That’s right! The bane of America’s existence. (besides France) About 66% of Americans over 20 years old are overweight. One-third of all Americans are overweight enough to be considered obese! I’m not making this up. Weight gain is the greatest threat to America since Andrew Jackson.
Okay, picture this:
A revolutionary kit that helps you lose weight fast!
Is liposuction too expensive? Do you sweat too much when you exercise? Are your favorite foods just calling out your name??
Well now you can eat as much as you want, of whatever you want! Never exercise again! YOU WILL STILL LOSE WEIGHT!!
Call 1-800-PUKE and we will send you a free instruction manual on how to operate the U-Hurl. Just take a tongue depressor and insert U-Hurl into the back of the throat. You will find the calories leaving your body quickly and efficiently!
Using ancient techniques that date back to the Romans, we have found the perfect way to take the pounds off and keep them off no matter how much food you eat! It’s almost as if you haven’t digested anything at all! Check out this testimonials!
Anyway, common side effects of U-Hurl include but are not limited to:
- Constant weight fluctuations
- Peptic ulcers
- Enlarged glands in the neck
- Severe dental erosion
- Cardiac Arrhythmia
- Cardiac Arrest