So, in Maine we have this type of crustacean called “Lobster”.
Technically speaking the Maine lobster is the same lobster that can be found up and down the east coast of America. What makes Maine lobster so different from lobster elsewhere is the vast number of them off our coast, and the fact that the icy cold north Atlantic off our shores make the meat within the lobsters’ shells sweeter than anywhere else in the world. This summer, lobster have been so abundant in the Maine bays that if you buy a pound of lobster at the supermarket, you’ll be paying less than for a pound of baloney.
With everyone from Portland to Caribou selling lobster, it can get very competitive and everyone tries out a new lobster recipe or gimmick to be on top. Here’s where my latest ingenious idea comes in:
Are you tired of cracking open lobster just to find lobster meat? Do you grow easily bored while eating? Do you hate Chinese food except for the fortune cookie at the end??
Well we’ve got something for you now!
Imagine, you crack into a lobstertail. Condensed steam sprays in all directions and your mouth waters with the knowledge that a one-of-a-kind taste is about to enter. You pry open the shell and find a small slip of paper. You unroll it and it reads
“I see a happy tummy in your future!”
Instantly you are satisfied! …not because you are done eating, but the fortune lets you feel as if you could develop a relationship with the crustacean. In a different lifetime you and Sebastian could be singing Disney show tunes on the ocean floor, but in this lifetime all the lobster wants to do is give you a delicious dinner. …and he will succeed.
Here are some examples of what to expect when you crack open a fortune lobster:
- Let’s get crackin’!
- I hope I don’t look crabby.
- Do I look a little red to you?
- Eat more tuna!
- I suppose I would eat me too…
- You can’t claw your way out of this one.
- I see a loosened belt in your future.
- You will be full soon.
- Prepare to lick your lips.
- Facetious say: Maine lobster; taste like chicken it does not.
- Bite me.
- Here we go again.
- Lobster life insurance pays off triple on a business trip.
- Nobody puts lobster in a corner.
- The red sun rises. Butter has been spilt this night.
- I have a bad feeling about this…
- Do not be surprised if your friends take some of your food.
- You must be swift as a coursing river.
- Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy, but here’s some crackers, so eat me maybe.
- I’m not wearing a bib. Who’s the superior species now?
- Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.
- But you didn’t have to eat me up!
- Are you going to finish that clam chowder?
- They said not to go near the boat…
- So there is this clown fish who’s been travelling all over the ocean looking for his son! Last I heard he was riding the East Australian Current on the way to Sydney! I heard he took on three sharks at once and swam through a whole cloud of jellyfish! Sounds like he’ll stop at nothing to find his son!
- What are you looking at?
For the more corny fortunes we’ll be adding an extra side of corn to emphasize the fact that we understand we aren’t very creative.