Gay Chicken

Chick-Fil-A, home of the over-priced fast-food and an adorable marketing campaign has become the unnecessary focal point of a national social debate that now involved poultry. A couple of weeks ago the private owner of Chick-Fil-A, one Dan Cathy, pointed out that he is a staunch hold-out against gay marriage. This came of no surprise to anyone with any previous knowledge of Chick-Fil-A. It has been public knowledge for some time that some of the chain’s profits go to political action groups opposing gay marriage, and if you hadn’t heard that, then the fact that they aren’t open on Sundays should have been a red flag.

You see, it’s funny because cows don’t have very good English writing skills.

Chick-Fil-A and I have a love-hate relationship. I love when I get the opportunity to get free food from them when they run promotions and Chick-Fil-A hates my political views. They join the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Clarence Thomas in their disgust with my liberal tendencies like supporting gay marriage.

I’m very disappointed in you Ryan.

Leave me alone Clarence!

When I first came down to Virginia for school, the people I met were shocked that I had never been to Chick-Fil-A. For my first few weeks I heard everyone raving to me about how much I was going to love it and how much better it was than any other fast food ever. Excited, I joined my friends on a pilgrimage over to our local Chick-Fil-A for my first holy experience. When I arrived, I was warned that the chicken was fried in peanut-oil revealing to us all that Chick-Fil-A is also opposed to people with allergies.

I ordered a chicken sandwich and I took my first bite. It tasted like… a chicken sandwich. I tried adding the signature Chick-Fil-A sauce, wondering why this “glorious” chicken tasted like any other fried chicken. It just tasted like a chicken sandwich with honey mustard sauce on it. The only difference, to me, between McDonald’s chicken and Chick-Fil-A chicken is about $3. You can get 10 chicken bites at Chick-Fil-A for $4.95 or the same thing at McDonalds off the dollar menu.

So I was turned off from Chick-Fil-A early on for the absurdity of the pricing. Both fast-food chains will make you fat, but one chain will do it to you at a third the cost. Common sense to me. It was nearly a year later that I heard that Chick-Fil-A donated some of their funds to anti-gay activism. It was then that I made the not-so-difficult decision of not eating at Chick-Fil-A unless the food was paid for.

Why do I boycott Chick-Fil-A? 15% of it is the principle of sponsoring an entity that sends some of my money to suppress equal rights under marriage laws. 85% of it is simply price. It’s why I don’t shop at Macy’s. I can get the same thing somewhere else for less.

Also, Donald Trump is kind of a jerk.

Both sides in this debate around Chick-Fellatio are absurd. On the one side you have Christian supporters that just set a record sales day for Chick-Fil-A. They lined up to spend money in this restaurant instead of, say, a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter (places Jesus actually said to support). On the other side you have gay rights supporters staging “kiss-ins” and going on tirades against the owner’s views to employees. It’s no secret that the views of Dan Cathy don’t reflect the views of all of his employees. …Some people seemed to miss that memo.

In the end, this Chick-Fil-A ridiculousness is entirely irrelevant. Dan Cathy has his views. I have different views. That said, boycotting a chain based on what the CEO says doesn’t make sense. He’ll lay off hundreds of poor employees before he takes a dent in his income. If there is a reason to boycott Chick-Fil-A it’s for the most common sense reason of all. It’s just too pricey.

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