Trolling Answers to Serious Questions

“Seriousness is the last refuge of the shallow” -Oscar Wilde

All too often people get serious. Seriousness is the cause of nearly every problem in the world.  The Israeli-Palestinian conflict is a direct result of people being too serious. Partisan gridlock in Congress can easily be linked to serious people. Donald Trump is seriously messed up.

Above: Significant world problem

Over time we, the people, have essentially accepted seriousness in the world. Think about it. When you see someone walk by with a plaid shirt and striped pants wearing a polka-dot tie you give them a judging look and say, “seriously?” Is it necessary? No. Does it make you feel better about yourself? I hope not.

So how do we conquer seriousness?

Be a dick.


Let’s run through some serious situations and how trolling through them can make everything so much better…

Girl: “We’ve been dating for a long time, I think that we should be more committed.”
Boy: “Uh…”
Girl (angry): “Don’t you like me??”
Boy: “No, everything that I have said and done around you is just for fun. I sometimes like to pretend like I’m actually capable of love.”

Boom. Just like that the seriousness has been taken out of the situation. Girl will either find Boy funny or she will leave Boy alone and he can happily go back to playing Xbox.

Mitt Romney: “I don’t agree with your politics.”
Barack Obama: “I don’t agree with yours.”
Ron Paul: “You know what I don’t agree with?”
Mitt & Barack: “What?”
Ron Paul: “Your SYSTEM.”

Boom. Seriousness gone. Barack and Mitt can laugh, pat each other on the back and have a beer over a Sunday night football game.

Israelis: “We hate you all.”
Palestinians: “We hate you more!”
China: “We could kill you all with a push of a button.”


Pro-Lifer: “Pro-Life!”
Pro-Choicer: “Pro-Choice!”
Normal American: “Football!”


Kanye West: “I’m so important!”
Universe: “I am over 14 billion light years across and you are just an itty bitty speck that is on an itty bitty speck inside an itty bitty speck that is the Milkyway galaxy.”


Adele: “But I set fire to the rain. Watched it pour as I touched your face. Let it burn while I cry ‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name.”
Everyone else: “What?”


Eliminate seriousness and the world becomes a much better place with a lot more onomatopoeias (apparently).


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