End of the Year Complex

It’s hard to believe that year 2 at Hogwarts college is coming to a close. It seems like only yesterday I was getting in the car to drive back down to lovely Newport News, Virginia. As with most years in my life; I have made many new friends and far too few enemies. In the midst of finals week I am desperate to reach the end; crawling the last few feet to the finish like a morbidly obese marathon runner.

Yet in these moments I suddenly find myself looking back over a year in the life. My best friend just swung by my room to say goodbye for the summer. Though she neglected to give me a mockingjay pin, I can assume that she wishes me luck in all my endeavours this summer and I think she is also opposed to me being attacked by a swarm of tracker jackers.

But I digress. Suffice to say, it was a sad parting. Living 900 miles away from nearly everyone that goes to your college makes four months of summer as intimidating as a mountain without trails. Last summer I was faced with four months of a long-distance relationship. It was terribly difficult (as long-distance relationships are wont to be) and I’m glad that this summer I’ll be worry free on that account because I am single! (ladies)

Pictured above: me.

At this time of the year I look back and think about all the things that I have done or haven’t done (chiefly; perform alongside Madonna at the Superbowl.). I’ve enjoyed the company of wonderful people both near and far, and isn’t that one of the best ways to measure quality of a year? (omit question mark, insert period.)

I’ve been in and out of love, I’ve experienced new things and new places. I got to sing Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours” to a screaming crowd at an all-girl college; likely one of my best memories to date. I got to spend some great time with my family and if I had a dollar for every time I ate a piece of popcorn tuition rates wouldn’t be a problem.

I’m sure we all get these moments, when we become all introspective and nostalgic over a year in the past. All the things that happened to us this year is ours. uniquely. It’s not just the colour of our eyes that make us different, nor the prints of our fingers. It’s our life that makes us individuals. No matter how much we try to conform, we are all original. These are the things we realize when we look back at a year in the life.

Lost Love

Do you get scared when you wake up in the morning? Like you’re missing something that you need?

Do you feel like there’s something special waiting for you that you just can’t have?

Do you feel like you’ve made a great mistake? Do you feel you’ve lost the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

Then you know what it feels to be me.

When lightning strikes it strikes hard. The flash is blinding like your smile. It shocks you like nothing else you’ve ever felt. And lightning never strikes the same place twice.

Maybe we all live on the edge of a cliff, maybe we’re all hanging on for dear life. Because when you fall in love you’ve got to hang on to whatever handhold you can. When you’re with me, I’ll never let you fall too far. I’ve got you by the hand and I can hold on tight.

There will be times when you just can’t go on, like you can’t take one more step. In those times if you just say the word I’ll carry you. I’ll carry you through rivers and canyons; I’ll carry you up the mountainside. It might take a long time getting there, but I’ll trudge on.

For what does this world need if not for love? Since the moment we were born we yearn for it and search for it. Why is it when we’ve found it we are so quick to walk away when we can’t feel it for a season? We all have seasons in our lives and perhaps relationships too. Now we feel the icy cold wind of doubt chill us to the bone, and we’re not sure if we should keep the journey going. We forget that spring is around the corner.

Jubilant Gibberish

This is where the heart of the matters of man comes clean. In a shower of complexities the simplicity of the human spirit comes cascading. Clear as crystal, cold as ice, it comes. Inasmuch you know so little, still, you know for sure. Clash with what clashes and crush that which aims to crush.

Only you can stem the tide of inequality.

Shatter the perceptions of knowledge and logic and feel the effervescent bliss of contentedness. Riddled with the problems of the world like a victim of a drive by, one often feels on the edge of abyss. Like a flower in springtime, feel the warmth of the sun and the cool refreshing rain on your skin. Nothing else makes you alive besides the feeling of being here. In this moment. Whether you battle against the brunt blustery cold of the Bangor winter, or you swelter in the singeing sunshine of San Antonio, you are feeling the freedom of life.

In every breath you take and every beat of your heart you gain so much more than just the sustenance you need to survive. You gain a catalyst for experiencing every moment. They circulate the senses so you can feel everything you ought to. And you ought to feel everything. There is nothing more real that the reality you feel is real. Whether you are right or wrong is irrelevant so long as you have the right to make the assumption. Life is freedom. No legal philosophy or government can give you freedom, only you can. So be free. Live.

Truman Syndrome

Ever wonder what the world would be like if everyone else were but an actor and you were unknowingly the star of a television show? That concept was realized in the movie The Truman Show, in which Jim Carey plays a character that has been born and raised in a fake town filled with actors rather than real citizens. His entire life is filmed for a t.v. show and he never knows.

What if that was you? I don’t think it is egotistical to entertain the thought. Yesterday I was hanging out with my best friend Michelle in the laundry room and we watched as two girls walked up to the door to the laundry room, looked directly at me and then turned around and left. I concluded that there are only to logical reasons why two women would do that, one; I’m incredibly attractive and they were shy and afraid to talk to such a shining example of a man, or two; I am the star of a Truman Show type thing.

Because why the hell not?

The idea that we are the star of a t.v. show and everyone else are actors is an idea that has been entertained by most of us since the invention of television and hidden cameras. Often times we tell other people how creepy it would be to be the star of a show without even knowing it, but deep down we all think it would be pretty cool (Except for introverted hermits I suppose.) We are all kind of egotistical to a certain degree, we like to entertain the thought of being the center of attention like we entertain the thought of living forever. We know it’s not true, but wouldn’t it be cool if it were. 

Here’s something to think about, the next time you entertain the thought that you are on hidden camera, think about what you are doing and how you feel. We act different when we are on camera, we want to look positive, optimistic and happy. That falseness is the reason why reality t.v. is not reality t.v. and it is also the reason why a show like the Truman Show would be so enticing. In one spot of our pop culture we could see a sincere person living a sincere life. The irony of this is that their life is a complete lie.

I’ll end this with a shameless plug. Give this a try; live sincerely. Just like watching a show about a real person being real would be enticing, when people are sincere in real life, it’s easy to like them more. How often do you go out and act different than what you would if it were just yourself? Do you do it for you, or them? Try just being yourself and I would venture to suspect that people will like you even more. There is nothing more real than you. 

Decisions

All too often we are confronted with decisions that we have to make long before we want to confront them. Often times in life we can set out a path a cruise down it with great success. Like any river, you’ll have to choose how best to approach the rapids and sometimes when there’s not enough water beneath you, you’ve got to forge ahead carrying the boat on your back. When you come to a fork in the river, however, the metaphor becomes convoluted. On the river of life you can’t turn around and row back up river if you make the wrong decision, all you can do is keep rowing and hoping that the river runs you back toward where you are supposed to be.

On your way down the river you will see some beautiful sights. The people you meet and you forget are like the trees of the forest. They are there for a moment and then you may never see them again, but it’s the trees that let you breathe. You also know that on the river, there are others that have taken your route before, and you feel a bit of an urge to find a different path.

Along the way you may go fishing for someone to live your life with. You’ll love and you’ll lose and you’ll love and you’ll lose. You’ll find a couple that you can tell a good fisherman’s tale about, and then you’ll find the keeper. Whether they hurt you or they helped you, you’ve still gone down river while you were distracted.

We’ve all got choices to make on the river of life and it’s sad when we get them wrong. We can over-correct or get paralyzed with misery but neither option really helps you as the current takes you. Many people criticize, saying you ought not go with the flow, but if you harness the flow, then wherever you go, you go with confidence and open eyes. In the end every decision is ours to make and we must make them with the strength of our convictions and the current of our spirit.

Maybe you’ll find a nice lake to stop and rest a while. Maybe you’ll get lost in the woods. Some people live their lives on the rushing white waters and some people just give up. But those are the ones that just don’t understand that, though you never reach a final destination, the story you tell at the end of your life is more about the journey than the final location.